He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
