my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
