There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
