I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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