i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
