nut hugger
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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