Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
