did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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