Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
How naked do you want me to be?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
