It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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