I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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