I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
