I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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