i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
