I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
