Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize