I just saw a hot homeless man
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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