just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
