I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
