It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
