Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
