Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
