he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
