Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
