She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
