Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
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Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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