new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
