Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And then my night got REAL pukey