We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
