Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal