Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.