I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
