Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet