I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
