I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
