Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
