I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
