I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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