Betty ford says i'm here all night
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
