Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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