the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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