First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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