i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
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i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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