she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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