glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
