Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
