you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
