I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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