Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize