I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
