I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
