I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
