remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
