She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize