Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
