everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
