good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
