Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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