There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
