just tell him i said nine months
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
that is very illegal...i love you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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