Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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