Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm like, not good at living.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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