i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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