3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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