My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
