I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
