glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
