You work out of a Hotel?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
