My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
