I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
