i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
