At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
