I saw his package. It spoke to me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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