My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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