It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
